Why Couples Counseling?

Couples Counseling

Let’s explore the benefits of couples counseling and why you might consider a professional approach to managing conflict in your relationships.

In my experience, relationships typically go through phases. There is the initial “everything is wonderful” phase when couples first come together and fall in love. They can’t get enough of each other, focus on the positive of the other person, and ignore or minimize any issues. During this phase, each person is typically putting their best self forward, which also reduces problems. Unfortunately, this phase is not sustainable and usually lasts for months or at most 1-2 years. Then the issues and baggage that each person brings into the relationship come out and cause conflict, hurt, and get in the way of all the good qualities that initially brought the couple together. At this point, the couple has a few options.

Unresolved Conflict in Couples results in:

1. Breakup
2. Not address the issues and have an impaired relationship that steadily goes downhill
3. dress the issues and move into a sustainable relationship that allows them to enjoy the positives they each bring and addresses any conflict in a way that enhances the relationship.

John Gottman, who has done extensive research on couple relationships, has found that “the average couple waits six years before seeking help for relationship problems. And keep in mind, half of all marriages that end do so in the first seven years. This means the average couple lives with unhappiness for far too long.” Couples counseling has the potential to help couples get back on the right track, and the sooner that the couples counseling starts, the less damage gets done to the relationship.

When I assess a couple in the initial sessions, I am looking for how do they resolve conflict and do they do so in a constructive or destructive way. I teach them tools for how to talk about difficult issues where they both feel heard and respected even when they disagree. Generally, when people don’t feel heard, they either increase the volume (by yelling, name-calling, and in extreme cases, physical violence) or they shut down or withdraw. Neither of those approaches leads to conflict resolution. When both parties feel heard, they may find that:

What you’ll find in being heard.

1. They didn’t disagree, and it was just a lot of smoke,
2. They disagree, and there is a win-win compromise they can both live with,
3. They have to agree to disagree and respect where the other person is coming from.

Another point of assessment is how are they nurturing and building the relationship. When couples first get together, they spend a lot of quality oen one one time together and make an effort to speak to each other’s love languages. Over time many couples stop doing this either because of taking the relationship for granted or due to pressures of taking care of children or dealing with careers or other life issues. When the relationship is not nurtured and made a priority, the emotional connection and intimacy start to deteriorate. I work with couples to rediscover this emotional connection and intimacy.

Give me a call at (928) 380-6130 or complete my contact form to ask any questions or to discuss more about Couples Therapy and how it can benefit your relationship.